There are times when I really hate that I have even tried to find some helpful advice either online or from people. The wrong advice can really hurt and mostly because I feel people are judging and feel I should have learnt this already because it’s so easy. I mean there’s so much advice out there about how to be happier or get well and such, anyone would think it was so easy wouldn’t they?
Well, since it is such big business these days it might be better to see counsellors, gurus, life coaches etc as filling a gaping chasm of a market where there are so many people who are unhappy and are willing to pay people to help them. This suggests that most people have idea how to improve their feelings of happiness and fulfilment.
Well despite my immediate feelings of worthlessness, laziness as well as stupidity, I find all I am left with is that feeling that I should not have looked. I was doing alright and did not need a kick to the teeth. However I really do need to look and dealing with the occasional comments that I don’t like or that hurt like hell is part of living in the world, instead of hiding from it.
The world is full of people who see things very differently to me and although I have grave misgivings about the way people, Americans in particular, use Pity Party and talk about rumination like you should just get off your butt and do this and you’ll be better. However for them it may be just a description which implies no judgement.
I don’t feel I want to dictate to others what is good or a supportive way to talk about being unhappy and how to improve it. For some people all they need is a swift prod that says so get on with it and here are a few suggestions and they will be fine.
Unfortunately I am not one of them, which is why it hurts so much. I have met this attitude a lot and really the 1st time I thought yeah I’ll go and do this or that, I’ll take control and get this or that…yeah I’ll be fine. Even the 2nd, 3rd etc. I thought yeah that’s all I need to do. Sadly by the time I’d heard it 10 times I’d worked out it’s not that easy for me.
I am quite convinced that you have to build from where you are at and you need build in confidence, resilience, support, safety, fall back positions, self esteem, a sense of realism and responsibility. The problem is that for some that’s a huge undertaking and not only that in the early days the impact of each change may not be easily seen either. Particularly when you’re not used to looking at and evaluating yourself and that can be hard in itself.
The reality is that although I have worked hard and most people do, sometimes these comments are just too harsh to be helpful and unfortunately people don’t know this either before they speak or when they can’t control who reads it.
In this instance I stopped reading the blog post and I won’t be going back either. I don’t need that kind of torture and if it’s people who say these things then equally I just don’t ask for advice in the future. Sad to say just because you want to help doesn’t mean you will, however it doesn’t mean it’s bad advice but just that it wasn’t what I needed.
And these days a few hints on how to achieve things and a whole great dollop of encouragement to take my life back: encouragement to grasp hold of what I want. That’s all but sadly that’s not really the NHS bag. I feel more confident and assured when I take responsibility for moving forward and working out when something is not the right time or the right tone. To learn that I can do it, I can choose well for myself, is more important than being happy because I did what someone else said.
Well, since it is such big business these days it might be better to see counsellors, gurus, life coaches etc as filling a gaping chasm of a market where there are so many people who are unhappy and are willing to pay people to help them. This suggests that most people have idea how to improve their feelings of happiness and fulfilment.
Well despite my immediate feelings of worthlessness, laziness as well as stupidity, I find all I am left with is that feeling that I should not have looked. I was doing alright and did not need a kick to the teeth. However I really do need to look and dealing with the occasional comments that I don’t like or that hurt like hell is part of living in the world, instead of hiding from it.
The world is full of people who see things very differently to me and although I have grave misgivings about the way people, Americans in particular, use Pity Party and talk about rumination like you should just get off your butt and do this and you’ll be better. However for them it may be just a description which implies no judgement.
I don’t feel I want to dictate to others what is good or a supportive way to talk about being unhappy and how to improve it. For some people all they need is a swift prod that says so get on with it and here are a few suggestions and they will be fine.
Unfortunately I am not one of them, which is why it hurts so much. I have met this attitude a lot and really the 1st time I thought yeah I’ll go and do this or that, I’ll take control and get this or that…yeah I’ll be fine. Even the 2nd, 3rd etc. I thought yeah that’s all I need to do. Sadly by the time I’d heard it 10 times I’d worked out it’s not that easy for me.
I am quite convinced that you have to build from where you are at and you need build in confidence, resilience, support, safety, fall back positions, self esteem, a sense of realism and responsibility. The problem is that for some that’s a huge undertaking and not only that in the early days the impact of each change may not be easily seen either. Particularly when you’re not used to looking at and evaluating yourself and that can be hard in itself.
The reality is that although I have worked hard and most people do, sometimes these comments are just too harsh to be helpful and unfortunately people don’t know this either before they speak or when they can’t control who reads it.
In this instance I stopped reading the blog post and I won’t be going back either. I don’t need that kind of torture and if it’s people who say these things then equally I just don’t ask for advice in the future. Sad to say just because you want to help doesn’t mean you will, however it doesn’t mean it’s bad advice but just that it wasn’t what I needed.
And these days a few hints on how to achieve things and a whole great dollop of encouragement to take my life back: encouragement to grasp hold of what I want. That’s all but sadly that’s not really the NHS bag. I feel more confident and assured when I take responsibility for moving forward and working out when something is not the right time or the right tone. To learn that I can do it, I can choose well for myself, is more important than being happy because I did what someone else said.
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