Don’t know about you but once I started having trouble with my mental health the entire world seem to feel that they have the right and the responsibility to wade in and tell me how to solve the problem, how to be happy or less happy depending on the situation. It drives me a bit nuts quite frankly.
Seriously guys telling me what to do is not helping me.
I need to find my own feet and my own way and although many are unwilling to agree with me it is what we are all trying to do every day. We cannot always be happy or feel secure, but to feel like we can make it through anyway, that is the goal. Please keep it in your sights because telling someone what to do may only result in them relying on you.
This isn’t true for everybody but nine times out of ten when someone uses the words, ‘this is what you need to do’, I am so angry because I know that I won’t think anymore about it. The world has decreed that this is what I need to do and will hear no more of my ideas or insecurities or problems. It has decided so stop talking.
God if it was all that easy it would be great but lets face it you who decree are not always right. I can’t believe I am the only one who has this problem and quite frankly I wish I felt more attuned to what people in general think and feel but realistically I am not sure I want to.
I would much rather remind myself that they are making a suggestion. A suggestion that if it comes after only the briefest of conversations I can safely tell myself is suggested because it works for them and will likely have nothing to do with my situation or me at all.
People say that I don’t like suggests, and really I just want to feel that they are suggestions, and not orders, thanks.
So if you have this problem then take heed what I do is engage the universal translator and try to understand what the person is really trying to achieve, which is to help or to end the conversation.
I don’t find it easy but I do try to believe that they want to help, because just shouting there mouths off doesn’t really feel like people to me no matter how it sounded. So with this presumption in mind I ask myself what was it about the suggestion that I could apply to me in a way that will work for me. Did they suggest taking control, making a plan? Did they suggest doing something that helps me feel good about myself, or an achievement. An I did that moment.
Did they suggest being nice to myself, this can be tricky because people get pleasure and feel good in different ways. For instance going out and partying with friends might be someone's ideal fun time, but lets face it it’s not mine and it might well not be yours. In the same way staying in and watching a movie, taking a bubble bath, getting a massage or going for a run might be fun for some but not for others.
Did they suggest that you count your blessings and feel good about what you do have…not so easy when your not very well. Life is pretty grim when your ill and it can feel like they are trying to minimise or otherwise reduce the amount of pain you are in but actually feeling thankful, for being alive, for the beauty of nature or for your family can lift the spirits.
I guess my point is that I try and hear what they are really getting at instead of feeling that they just want me to shut up and or go away. It’s not that they don’t want to hear but a lot of the time people just don’t know what to do and they fumble around for something. However there are the times when quite frankly they do just want you to shut up and go away. It hurts but to me this is okay I know that they are not interested so it’s time to move on to a different conversation or a different person. Hey I don’t have to stick with a person who is increasing my painful, worthless etc. feelings.
But lastly I feel that people didn’t feel that they had this right and responsibility for passing on their advice I’d be better off.
I just talk because it is a fact or a reality for me. I don’t expect you to fix it. In fact I don’t always want to talk about it, sometimes I just want to have some fun. And believe you me some days there is precious little fun to be had so I won’t be too happy with you if you force a conversation when I was out to enjoy myself. But thanks to the time to change campaign I now feel I am neglecting my duties to the cause if I don’t have the conversation.
Oh boy life is complicated…hey it was supposed to be a good thing that we can talk and now all I do is complain about it. Yeah well I guess this is mostly due to the fact that I never really felt it was off limits. It was all just how I was feeling, still is sad fact is I never really thought people wanted to know how I was feeling.
Anyway life is short and while I am still trying to live the life I want I just hope that everyone else is too.
Seriously guys telling me what to do is not helping me.
I need to find my own feet and my own way and although many are unwilling to agree with me it is what we are all trying to do every day. We cannot always be happy or feel secure, but to feel like we can make it through anyway, that is the goal. Please keep it in your sights because telling someone what to do may only result in them relying on you.
This isn’t true for everybody but nine times out of ten when someone uses the words, ‘this is what you need to do’, I am so angry because I know that I won’t think anymore about it. The world has decreed that this is what I need to do and will hear no more of my ideas or insecurities or problems. It has decided so stop talking.
God if it was all that easy it would be great but lets face it you who decree are not always right. I can’t believe I am the only one who has this problem and quite frankly I wish I felt more attuned to what people in general think and feel but realistically I am not sure I want to.
I would much rather remind myself that they are making a suggestion. A suggestion that if it comes after only the briefest of conversations I can safely tell myself is suggested because it works for them and will likely have nothing to do with my situation or me at all.
People say that I don’t like suggests, and really I just want to feel that they are suggestions, and not orders, thanks.
So if you have this problem then take heed what I do is engage the universal translator and try to understand what the person is really trying to achieve, which is to help or to end the conversation.
I don’t find it easy but I do try to believe that they want to help, because just shouting there mouths off doesn’t really feel like people to me no matter how it sounded. So with this presumption in mind I ask myself what was it about the suggestion that I could apply to me in a way that will work for me. Did they suggest taking control, making a plan? Did they suggest doing something that helps me feel good about myself, or an achievement. An I did that moment.
Did they suggest being nice to myself, this can be tricky because people get pleasure and feel good in different ways. For instance going out and partying with friends might be someone's ideal fun time, but lets face it it’s not mine and it might well not be yours. In the same way staying in and watching a movie, taking a bubble bath, getting a massage or going for a run might be fun for some but not for others.
Did they suggest that you count your blessings and feel good about what you do have…not so easy when your not very well. Life is pretty grim when your ill and it can feel like they are trying to minimise or otherwise reduce the amount of pain you are in but actually feeling thankful, for being alive, for the beauty of nature or for your family can lift the spirits.
I guess my point is that I try and hear what they are really getting at instead of feeling that they just want me to shut up and or go away. It’s not that they don’t want to hear but a lot of the time people just don’t know what to do and they fumble around for something. However there are the times when quite frankly they do just want you to shut up and go away. It hurts but to me this is okay I know that they are not interested so it’s time to move on to a different conversation or a different person. Hey I don’t have to stick with a person who is increasing my painful, worthless etc. feelings.
But lastly I feel that people didn’t feel that they had this right and responsibility for passing on their advice I’d be better off.
I just talk because it is a fact or a reality for me. I don’t expect you to fix it. In fact I don’t always want to talk about it, sometimes I just want to have some fun. And believe you me some days there is precious little fun to be had so I won’t be too happy with you if you force a conversation when I was out to enjoy myself. But thanks to the time to change campaign I now feel I am neglecting my duties to the cause if I don’t have the conversation.
Oh boy life is complicated…hey it was supposed to be a good thing that we can talk and now all I do is complain about it. Yeah well I guess this is mostly due to the fact that I never really felt it was off limits. It was all just how I was feeling, still is sad fact is I never really thought people wanted to know how I was feeling.
Anyway life is short and while I am still trying to live the life I want I just hope that everyone else is too.
No comments:
Post a Comment