The hard times

I guess we all appreciate that some days are better than others but still when the hard times hit it can be so overwhelming. These times can feel so complete and everlasting that it is not worth fighting or that the only answer is to fight since nothing will change. Today is as good as it can ever get, if you like

It’s hard to see in the pit that there is a way out, or even that there is any change happening, but nothing ever stays the same. That said I would be the first to say that time alone does not heal things and a conscious effort from you is required however to know what to do can be as overwhelming a problem. I can’t say how long it will take nor that it will be a nice upward journey to feeling better but I do know that it can and will be better in the future.

That said I know that on my bad days the suggestion from someone that I need to make an effort is tantamount to saying ‘you’re not trying hard enough’ and I hate that and I hope that is not what you hear. Effort to me is partly acceptance, partly sympathy, partly deciding what I want to do next, even if that next is to just have a real good cry.

I never used to do that you know. Having a good cry felt wrong, felt like I was weak and defeated but in not crying I was denying myself the pain and then also any sympathy for the pain. I was simply saying I had not been hurt even if the reality was so obviously different.

So if you’re having a bad day look and see if you’re hurting. Explore what is going on and ask yourself if it’s anger, or fear and see if underneath there isn’t pain too. Don’t shy away from it but look at it and see why, see who caused it: what happened and how it affected you.

Ask yourself what is bothering you and notice how upset you really are?

Then give yourself some time to feel, to cry and even find a quiet space to shout and scream or a soft mattress to batter if that is what you need. And really focus on what it is that you feel you want and need right then. Don’t shy away from things like, Mothers comforting words, a cuddle, time to cry or just sit. Or something more active, like a good run or to go dancing, but be honest about it. Do you just want to hear that you’re going to be okay! You don’t have to tell anyone about what you feel or what you do, just give it to yourself if you can. You were hurt and you deserve sympathy for it.

It won’t change things but it will feel better… well that is unless you feel to be kind, supportive and sympathetic to yourself is wrong or bad in some way.
But don’t expect miracles it takes time to come to terms with things and although a small tiff with someone will be over soon the more difficult things can take years. In all honesty you may need someone else to help you with some of the things that may have happened to you. But that’s okay, it’s what you need that matters and if that is to speak to a councilor then do it there is no shame in getting help. No weakness either just the simple need to deal with what is bothering you so that you can have the life that you want.

And really the best insight I have had into what to do next and whether I need to apologize or move on and forget about it have come from really understanding what it was that bothered me. Because when it comes down to it, just because I was hurt by something doesn’t mean that someone is at fault or to blame. I was simply hurt and need to look at that and if I feel it necessary then to talk with them about it or not as the case may be.



Sadly sometimes there is nothing you can do but wait for the pain to ease and go about your life finding ways to make it easier for yourself.