I’ve always known that I hate being at work and although I guess many would say that just goes to show what kind of a lay about and lazy person I am I would beg a little indulgence while I explain a little.
I don’t mind working, in fact I quite like it, you get money, feel good about yourself, achieve things, in many ways work is good and helps you feel good. But I still hate being at work.
Oh yes back in the good old days when I was working full time I was an absolute wreck. Couldn’t sleep, had nightmares every night, felt scared every second, jumped at every noise, hated being asked my opinion and worried that I had been rude to people who would never let me forget it. Oh yes I couldn’t think straight didn’t have a life and didn’t even feel rested. Friendship and fun where out the window I spent all my time trying desperately to be in work, to be productive and do my best. Oh hell it was a nightmare just being alive.
When I arrived at work and couldn’t remember how I had got there. Didn’t know what I was doing and quite frankly had been crying my eyes out for a good half hour in the car before I even entered the building I realised that work like this was not an option. I was so far gone I wasn’t eating properly and couldn’t be bothered to look after myself. Having been rude to most of my work colleagues I went home and went off sick. I couldn’t do it any more and despite my somewhat interesting behaviour at work they were surprised.
There are many things that led to my getting so ill but unlike many people I had spoken to managers about what would make life easier for me, what would help and quite frankly the resounding, No we’re not doing that, that came back was frustrating in the extreme. It was also depressing, demoralizing. If ever there was a way to make a member of staff feel unimportant to keep saying no to their requests without ever having a discussion about what was possible is the way to do it. Compromise, dear souls, that is the such a part of keeping the workers happy.
I’m not sure if the way I put my requests across convinced them that I wouldn’t consider any other options but the result was the same they never felt the need to explain themselves and in this I feel they failed to understand what I needed. I needed them to listen and take me seriously and their inability to understand that they needed to talk to me about what I wanted led me to hate them.
I’m not saying managers can or should give an employee what they ask for but the problems I suffer from could have been alleviated by simple little changes. Firstly I needed the talk to me. I can’t really see how people don’t see this as fundamental but there you go so many don’t.
Putting employees in a position where they have no choice but to do exactly what you say is a sure fire way of annoying them. That lack of control, the powerlessness they will feel, could make the difference to some in feeling okay and feeling picked on. It is also a way for them to feel included, noticed. It also helps them feel able to talk about problems, it simply isn’t enough to just say to someone you can talk to me, for them to do it, they have to feel able to and that happens when they have contact with you, it doesn’t if you never talk to them. Nor will it happen if all you do is complain about what they have got wrong or not completed on time either.
And please be careful here, because talking to your staff isn’t so much about letting them have a voice but about them feeling like you have heard what they are saying and quite frankly if you never compromise on anything and just do what you want they will never believe that you have listened to them.
Active listening skills really are a must and be prepared for people not being happy about things you can’t change and help them to understand the reasons why this has to be.
To be frustrated is one thing but to leave wondering if they even heard you let alone took you seriously is another thing and an explanation can go a long way to convincing some one that yes you heard, you took it seriously and you’ve considered the problem but sadly can’t do anything. And for gods sake consider offering something else, even a little something.
In the same way I have had managers who say I never to talk to them, well quite frankly I could say the same of them but that isn’t helpful. Managers you expect a lot but often give just as little and being aware of when that is so and not complaining to the employee about their part of it will make it easier for people to talk
One of the most positive experiences of managers I have had is when they apologise to me for their own mistakes. Look you are human and you can’t do everything so when you get it wrong apologise. If you haven’t had the time, say so but be wary of never having the time it can be just as damaging to keep apologising to them. And really if you don’t have the time you might want to consider if that is about your work load or your disinterest in the employee.
So what has this got to do with mental health?
As you might have guess I have complained to managers about things that have bothered me with a wide range of responses and one of the most frustrating ones is
“We’d all like that but it’s just not possible, that’s how it is..!”
Right well to all you managers out there, consider this if there are things that you feel we would all like why haven’t you done it?
Because I can tell you this, any manager who has given this response or something along the same lines and there are lots of ways you can say this, you can forget them doing anything above and beyond or even a small favour in the future. In fact when things got tough I just found me another job because quite frankly the manager wasn’t going to do anything to help me and neither was anyone else.
The kind of responses you make to employees are so very important and they can make the difference between them toughing it out and finding a way to work with you and them just taking long term sick. And everyone is different so where I have had exactly the response above I have had a lot of others that I look on as pretty much the same and if my manager isn’t going to consider the options, isn’t going to talk to the staff and find a way to help, what chance do I have if I am not coping in the workplace- I may as well leave and find somewhere that will.
I have to say that I have had occupational health advisors telling me that my anger is my problem and when I have a problem to just walk away which struck me as quite odd. As I said to her there are some things you can’t walk away from without serious issues. I need a break really doesn’t go down well with managers who already feel they don’t have to do anything for you. Equally when you’re being physically threatened in the workplace for taking labels out of the communal printer and everyone else just carries on working and when you complain to her boss about the incident she just laughs in your face and says she’s just like that, get over it. You do have to wonder.
The point is that although many people will and do put up with such awful behaviour in the work place I see no reason why they should. It is an inhospitable place at the best of times and when you face it with a heap of other problems it is so often too much. This doesn’t mean that it is impossible but just that it needs managing and managers need to help those who need their help instead of ignoring it and hoping it will all come right.
Believe me most of the time it won’t. If you want people with mental health problems to work then managers need to step up and recognise that they need to do more than tell people what tasks need to be completed. They need to be managers of people a skill that is a dying art but without it people are just going to keep going under in the work place.
Work place stress is rife and the rising amount of time people are taking off work on sick leave is horrific. I would urge companies to take a stand and make sure that their staff have some basic people management skills before it’s too late and people leave. I’ve worked in two really bad environments with people who were out of their depth with people, staff turnover was horrendous, staff morale was low to non-existent, productivity was poor, and quality was iffy. It didn’t have to be that way.
I don’t mind working, in fact I quite like it, you get money, feel good about yourself, achieve things, in many ways work is good and helps you feel good. But I still hate being at work.
Oh yes back in the good old days when I was working full time I was an absolute wreck. Couldn’t sleep, had nightmares every night, felt scared every second, jumped at every noise, hated being asked my opinion and worried that I had been rude to people who would never let me forget it. Oh yes I couldn’t think straight didn’t have a life and didn’t even feel rested. Friendship and fun where out the window I spent all my time trying desperately to be in work, to be productive and do my best. Oh hell it was a nightmare just being alive.
When I arrived at work and couldn’t remember how I had got there. Didn’t know what I was doing and quite frankly had been crying my eyes out for a good half hour in the car before I even entered the building I realised that work like this was not an option. I was so far gone I wasn’t eating properly and couldn’t be bothered to look after myself. Having been rude to most of my work colleagues I went home and went off sick. I couldn’t do it any more and despite my somewhat interesting behaviour at work they were surprised.
There are many things that led to my getting so ill but unlike many people I had spoken to managers about what would make life easier for me, what would help and quite frankly the resounding, No we’re not doing that, that came back was frustrating in the extreme. It was also depressing, demoralizing. If ever there was a way to make a member of staff feel unimportant to keep saying no to their requests without ever having a discussion about what was possible is the way to do it. Compromise, dear souls, that is the such a part of keeping the workers happy.
I’m not sure if the way I put my requests across convinced them that I wouldn’t consider any other options but the result was the same they never felt the need to explain themselves and in this I feel they failed to understand what I needed. I needed them to listen and take me seriously and their inability to understand that they needed to talk to me about what I wanted led me to hate them.
I’m not saying managers can or should give an employee what they ask for but the problems I suffer from could have been alleviated by simple little changes. Firstly I needed the talk to me. I can’t really see how people don’t see this as fundamental but there you go so many don’t.
Putting employees in a position where they have no choice but to do exactly what you say is a sure fire way of annoying them. That lack of control, the powerlessness they will feel, could make the difference to some in feeling okay and feeling picked on. It is also a way for them to feel included, noticed. It also helps them feel able to talk about problems, it simply isn’t enough to just say to someone you can talk to me, for them to do it, they have to feel able to and that happens when they have contact with you, it doesn’t if you never talk to them. Nor will it happen if all you do is complain about what they have got wrong or not completed on time either.
And please be careful here, because talking to your staff isn’t so much about letting them have a voice but about them feeling like you have heard what they are saying and quite frankly if you never compromise on anything and just do what you want they will never believe that you have listened to them.
Active listening skills really are a must and be prepared for people not being happy about things you can’t change and help them to understand the reasons why this has to be.
To be frustrated is one thing but to leave wondering if they even heard you let alone took you seriously is another thing and an explanation can go a long way to convincing some one that yes you heard, you took it seriously and you’ve considered the problem but sadly can’t do anything. And for gods sake consider offering something else, even a little something.
In the same way I have had managers who say I never to talk to them, well quite frankly I could say the same of them but that isn’t helpful. Managers you expect a lot but often give just as little and being aware of when that is so and not complaining to the employee about their part of it will make it easier for people to talk
One of the most positive experiences of managers I have had is when they apologise to me for their own mistakes. Look you are human and you can’t do everything so when you get it wrong apologise. If you haven’t had the time, say so but be wary of never having the time it can be just as damaging to keep apologising to them. And really if you don’t have the time you might want to consider if that is about your work load or your disinterest in the employee.
So what has this got to do with mental health?
As you might have guess I have complained to managers about things that have bothered me with a wide range of responses and one of the most frustrating ones is
“We’d all like that but it’s just not possible, that’s how it is..!”
Right well to all you managers out there, consider this if there are things that you feel we would all like why haven’t you done it?
Because I can tell you this, any manager who has given this response or something along the same lines and there are lots of ways you can say this, you can forget them doing anything above and beyond or even a small favour in the future. In fact when things got tough I just found me another job because quite frankly the manager wasn’t going to do anything to help me and neither was anyone else.
The kind of responses you make to employees are so very important and they can make the difference between them toughing it out and finding a way to work with you and them just taking long term sick. And everyone is different so where I have had exactly the response above I have had a lot of others that I look on as pretty much the same and if my manager isn’t going to consider the options, isn’t going to talk to the staff and find a way to help, what chance do I have if I am not coping in the workplace- I may as well leave and find somewhere that will.
I have to say that I have had occupational health advisors telling me that my anger is my problem and when I have a problem to just walk away which struck me as quite odd. As I said to her there are some things you can’t walk away from without serious issues. I need a break really doesn’t go down well with managers who already feel they don’t have to do anything for you. Equally when you’re being physically threatened in the workplace for taking labels out of the communal printer and everyone else just carries on working and when you complain to her boss about the incident she just laughs in your face and says she’s just like that, get over it. You do have to wonder.
The point is that although many people will and do put up with such awful behaviour in the work place I see no reason why they should. It is an inhospitable place at the best of times and when you face it with a heap of other problems it is so often too much. This doesn’t mean that it is impossible but just that it needs managing and managers need to help those who need their help instead of ignoring it and hoping it will all come right.
Believe me most of the time it won’t. If you want people with mental health problems to work then managers need to step up and recognise that they need to do more than tell people what tasks need to be completed. They need to be managers of people a skill that is a dying art but without it people are just going to keep going under in the work place.
Work place stress is rife and the rising amount of time people are taking off work on sick leave is horrific. I would urge companies to take a stand and make sure that their staff have some basic people management skills before it’s too late and people leave. I’ve worked in two really bad environments with people who were out of their depth with people, staff turnover was horrendous, staff morale was low to non-existent, productivity was poor, and quality was iffy. It didn’t have to be that way.
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