Mental illness makes you Selfish?

There have been many times when people with mental health problems, or those helping them have said that being ill makes you selfish. That having a mental health problem means you focus on yourself and what you need to the exclusion of others. Quite frankly it rankles me, and quite probably most people with problems.

People can be selfish but it isn’t a diagnosis that makes you that way, it’s not a symptom. In many ways I have found the complete opposite to be true. People with problems focus so much of energy, thoughts and effort on others and what others need, that they forget about their own needs and they have ended up in a real state because of it.

This is not to say people who have given so much to others, to the point of illness haven’t ended up being selfish at points and even quite a lot when they are really unwell but just that it’s not a forgone conclusion.

I find many people really struggle with feeling that because they have needs, needs that they feel others don’t have, that they are selfish when they try and get these met. The reality is that we all have emotional needs, the need to feel loved, to feel safe, supported, encouraged etc and although some of these needs we should be meeting ourselves there is nothing wrong with them being met by others (depending on what they are of course) and the fact is that I have found many people feel they shouldn’t have as many or even any needs at all. But it is ridiculous to feel any of us should or could meet all of our own needs all of the time.

I guess to struggle with it is normal and if we stop struggling maybe we have passed into being selfish or maybe not if our needs are that great but some people struggle a lot more than others.

So why does anyone say mental illness makes you selfish?

On the part of the sufferer I would say it is because they feel guilty, guilty for needing what they consider to be a lot even if it isn't. It is strange that we can all get the impression we are selfish just because no one will help when we ask them too. It doesn't mean that we don't deserve to be helped or that we are selfish but just that if people do not ever help we feel it is because we are being unreasonable and selfish for asking.
Sadly I feel it is most likely that it has been said to them and really this smacks of the person who were trying to help feeling that they couldn’t give the person all that they needed. Many people will try so hard to help people and when they do not succeed they feel it must be the other person who is the problem especially if they felt that they were never considered by the sufferer either. Sadly it doesn’t mean that they weren’t but just they didn’t feel it it.

As I have found many people give and give and give until they can no more I feel that maybe people say a person is selfish when the person starts to say, “No,” to people. |It is often a very healthy thing to do as we all need to look after ourselves. However if you are called selfish every time you try to help yourself up feeling that they are being punished for trying to look after themselves or that it is wrong to do so.
I don’t really feel we can avoid all moments of selfishness there is a great difference between being selfish occasionally and all the time

But looking after yourself is a good thing, not a selfish one. Consider that if you are unwell and end up in hospital or in bed then who are you helping?