Triggering Content?

You may have noticed that I don’t put disclaimers on my posts about triggering content. It’s a pet hate of mine in some ways and something that feels wrong to me. For a start it is not clear from saying triggers what exactly a person means. Triggers can be both things that start a period of mental illness, or certain behaviours and really in either case since there is such a wide variety of things that could cause either, it seems a useless and /or irrelevant thing to do.

A trigger is simply something that sets something in motion.

Consider the trigger of a gun so called because it puts the bullet into motion. In terms of behaviour/ how you feel, triggers can be pretty much anything. They certainly don’t have to be the obvious things you think of and although many would say that clearly they mean the obvious things I’m not really sure that means anything.

Look I have many triggers but most of the time people don’t even think that what they have said or done is a problem and I tend to agree. You can’t avoid all triggers it’s just not possible and though you can avoid talking about or reading about certain topics you really can’t avoid all the possible triggers.

For instance I have quite a lot of triggers relating to things people have said to me. I was bullied and the verbal assault was grim to say the least, but I can’t avoid people swearing, or getting anger, or saying things like ‘I Need a word with you,’ it’s not possible, but they are all triggers. Obviously some cause more problems and bigger responses than others but they all cause aberrant responses. These I would and do consider as triggers to behaviours that aren’t helpful, particularly my fear response which is fierce. Equally things that people feel are depressing actually aren’t for me. 

Triggers are a personal thing, they are yours and created in some ways by you but most definitely by what has happened to you and as such are as individual as you are.

I guess I just feel when people start talking about triggers that they are giving the impression of a finite and very specific set of things that cause mental ill health and really that is so not true. There is also the problem that I feel people are saying that there is no reason why I got sick in the way I did given what happened to me if this or that didn't happen.

Most people would feel that is silly but it doesn’t feel that way. To sit and listen to someone say of another that they can understand why they need help and by implication that they don’t of me because it didn’t happen to me is most unpleasant.

 And really what does it matter what happened if the person was upset, distressed or miserable etc. as a result. 

I don’t know about how others feel but to me I would much prefer to not feel excluded from having problems because someone else doesn’t see it as distressing or would cause them fear. I’m certainly not going to use language that to me feels like I am encouraging people to look at what happened to a person to decide if they could have a problem rather than asking them how they are doing. This is not to say there aren’t common triggers because there are, but just that I don’t want to limit people to believing that these are the only triggers.

It may not make any sense to you why someone may be scared of this or that but if they are then surely they need your help and your comfort to work through it rather than to be left to deal with something that clearly is a problem.

So what has this to do with marking things as triggering?

Because the way you talk or write about things gives an impression of what you think and how you would react to things. To feel there is a finite limit to what you would be understanding of or tolerant of is not a good thing. I feel when you are dealing with something that is potentially infinite in scope you shouldn’t appear to put limits on what you will accept as a trigger from someone.

For example I know there are people who don’t get why I get scared of things but there are time when I worry that I can’t talk about how scared I may be because they will not take my fear seriously if they don’t feel that it should be a scary situation. And when I am scared with little reason I need them to take it seriously. I need them to listen and to find a way to show me that I have no need to be scared. I need them to consider helping me to find things, sayings or ways of looking at things that will help me not be so scared if/when it happens again. Because if people don’t help me I will continue to have problems and maybe I’ll solve them and maybe I won’t.

And it’s not just about fear or just about me. To feel able to speak is in part about feeling that people will not laugh: that they will take it seriously: that they will help. And if people do these things then I don’t really need them to understand because they tried to help. I don’t need them to have had a shared life experience either and from here the possibilities of getting help have just grown from the few people who went through what I did to anyone who wants to help.

So I try to listen and hear what is important to the person regardless of whether I understand because to them it is important and if they say it’s a problem then I believe them. 

I wish that others would do that to because after so many years of people saying things like, there’s nothing to be scared of… I can say that I have felt so demeaned, so small, so weak, so pathetic because I am scared or upset that I will avoid talking to the person who has said it and really it was never their intention to do that either. They just wanted to help and had no idea what to do, but it is a really big barrier and one that I feel it would be good to start taking down.