It seems that for the last few months I have been coming up with ideas for the blog and then not writing them. When so many people are finding their voices in a blog I seem to have lost mine, yet again, because it is not that I don’t have things that I want to write about or things that I feel need to be said but just that I can’t seem to motivate myself to do it.
I blame my fears, I blame my experiences of people and their ability to just spout forth without concern for how what they are saying or writing will affect others or themselves.
I blame the permanency of the internet for feeling so scared to say anything because I feel that I will have to stand up for it, for the rest of my life; that people will judge me harshly for my opinion without reasonableness or logic because they were having a bad day and felt like having a go.
And for myself I have found that people who are talking about the evils of the internet just make my fears so much worse.
“ Oh you shouldn’t write that”, or “that says something so bad about you,” and the reality is that I am not sure that it really matters what you write some people will be offended and unreasonable and no one can escape that and yet I am still struggling to voice my opinion despite feeling that they are both considered and reasonable. That I feel all the while that the information I wish to give about how I have found ways to deal with my emotions would be both unwelcome and resented since I am not the picture of emotional health and really the things I want to write about are the everyday things that people can struggle to feel on top of and I am upset that the vehicle that could be a life line fills me with such fear.
But there are times when I wonder if everyone is scared of peoples opinions, of seeing them on the internet and of them remaining that way. More importantly so many people seem to be scared of the public nature of things and how to control their privacy that I wonder that people ever feel safe online.
For instance when employers freely admit that they google all job applicants and when social media sites keep changing their privacy settings so it is so difficult to tell what is or isn’t private as well as the government talking about back doors into everyones accounts just in case of terrorism and banning applications such as whatzapp because of the possible ways it could be used.
And this saddens me as I have never be that easy going with what I say or put in print anyway and now I am thinking far too much about not going there at all.
I blame my fears, I blame my experiences of people and their ability to just spout forth without concern for how what they are saying or writing will affect others or themselves.
I blame the permanency of the internet for feeling so scared to say anything because I feel that I will have to stand up for it, for the rest of my life; that people will judge me harshly for my opinion without reasonableness or logic because they were having a bad day and felt like having a go.
And for myself I have found that people who are talking about the evils of the internet just make my fears so much worse.
“ Oh you shouldn’t write that”, or “that says something so bad about you,” and the reality is that I am not sure that it really matters what you write some people will be offended and unreasonable and no one can escape that and yet I am still struggling to voice my opinion despite feeling that they are both considered and reasonable. That I feel all the while that the information I wish to give about how I have found ways to deal with my emotions would be both unwelcome and resented since I am not the picture of emotional health and really the things I want to write about are the everyday things that people can struggle to feel on top of and I am upset that the vehicle that could be a life line fills me with such fear.
But there are times when I wonder if everyone is scared of peoples opinions, of seeing them on the internet and of them remaining that way. More importantly so many people seem to be scared of the public nature of things and how to control their privacy that I wonder that people ever feel safe online.
For instance when employers freely admit that they google all job applicants and when social media sites keep changing their privacy settings so it is so difficult to tell what is or isn’t private as well as the government talking about back doors into everyones accounts just in case of terrorism and banning applications such as whatzapp because of the possible ways it could be used.
It doesn’t really fill you with confidence does it?
Because lets face it there are things that everyone says in the heat of the moment or when they’re not really at their best that they wouldn’t wish for the people concerned to hear or to be remembered for eternity. But it is not just about the social aspect but also about security when so often I complain about companies who insist on retaining my credit card details and require payment authentication at every step even for things are free to download. It used to be simpler. I could put my details in when I wanted to buy something but these days I have to curate the companies who have my details that they decided to save when I really would have preferred they wouldn’t. It seems so much of what is going on, on line is out of my control and it keeps changing without my consent and although they send emails the officious nature of spam detector and spammers means that i can’t even be sure that the important ones will get through. In so many ways it seems that the internet is such a big scared place where people are going to rip me off and spend to my credit limit as well as troll me that I am disinclined to participate.
And this saddens me as I have never be that easy going with what I say or put in print anyway and now I am thinking far too much about not going there at all.
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