Stress in the workplace

There are some days when I contemplate what it is about the working environment that I find so alien and scary. I have worked over the years in many different places and like many have suggested things that might help, that will help if only they’d give it a go and have met with mixed responses.

I would like say that I have an understanding as to why my suggestions on how to help me have not been taken up but frankly I am none the wiser. Honestly I have heard so many things that sound like excuses and have been disgusted with at the time that I could fill an entire blog with them from here until eternity. Okay so I’m exaggerating a bit but really it can feel awful when you have gotten up the courage to broach the subject of how bad it is to have someone say. ‘Well we’d all like that but really... not going to happen’.

So why is it so difficult to understand that someone may be a problem with something that you don’t?

And why is it so difficult to get any changes made unless you really lose your rag and shout at people or break down in tears in front of them and leave on the sick. And believe me I am not advocating these actions as ways to motivate people into change as they may only result in you being fired.

Really I am quite put out that in many ways an eloquent woman with understanding, who is willing to compromise and discuss things and appears confident in what she is saying is so frequently given responses like:

‘No we can’t do that.’

And the afore mentioned ‘we’d all like that’ without so much as 10 seconds consideration and believe you me when faced with a manager who almost laughs at/ incredulous of your difficulties you may well cave, crawl back to the hole that you poked your head out of and wish you had never mentioned it.

Well lets hope you have more confidence than me because that is what I did in the early days.

So why is it hard?

Well we all assume and wrongly that everyone is pretty much alike and that everyone else will cope with what we do, that we should all cope with each other. ’Don’t moan, don’t gripe just get on with it’ Yes?
We cannot ask people to change!

Well all I can say is this we can ask people to change but we should not expect that they will.

So what can you do?

Well as I say so often, try and keep an open mind (also you might want to pray that they are doing too) then consider why they are so stuck in the idea that this works. Manys the conversation I’ve had after a blow up that ‘I had no idea it was such a big deal’ and I’ve gone, ‘Great! Really so the repeated complaining about the problem didn’t give you any idea that I might well be saying ‘really can’t do this, making my life hell and need to do something about it?’

Fact is so many people complain about things that it can often be ignored or put down to people just having a bad day. I found that taking it seriously, as seriously as you can is the best way. I have a tendency to book time with people and take some support (another member of staff) and lay it all out there, how it makes you feel, what it does to you when you are not there, every little feeling, symptom, you name it, get it out into the open with the manager. Be prepared for them to ignore it, some do. In fact far too many do but if you’ve taken support and booked time it’s on record and this can help if there’s any come back later. Fear is likely to be your biggest enemy.

If that idea horrifies you then ask yourself this, how well do you know this person? Surely you work with them frequently so why so reticence to speak to them about creating a good working environment?

Stigma! They’ll be pay back!

Well maybe then it’s time to consider why you are working in this job. Harsh?

Yes, but I am not suggesting that you should leave only that you should consider how you are feeling and why because for me this is the point. Consideration for everyone and if the work place is really the issue or the way someone is treating you then you need to consider all of this. How they may feel as well as how you feel, what are the constraints from the work and only then will you be ready to talk to them.

If you are good/reliable at what you do they will want to keep you.

Don’t forget people really do not like being told, ‘this is how you need to do it’ particularly when there is no hard and fast rules as to what will work. If they want you they need to work with you and you with them. So give them a chance they may surprise you.

I would say compromise is your friend, be prepared to make concessions it will help you but remember, compromise is not giving in to them. Enumerate for yourself what they are giving you and if this is nothing then it is not a compromise and point this out to them bargain for something.
And don’t forget if you don’t feel confident enough to speak to them then maybe finding time to get to know them better may help, or it may show you that there is a better person to talk to about your problems.

And lastly you cannot fix everything, sometimes you have to just let it go and move on. There is no point punishing yourself when there could be a nicer place to work just waiting for you to find it.

And please remember advice is only helpful when it is relevant to you and your situation and may not work so please way it up for  yourself, because you know yourself best.