The Helping mentality

There are times when I wonder whether I have any clue about people. So often it seems that we hold such opposing and contradictory views that are so hypocritical, for instance many people feel that there is a lot of benefit fraud and people are really out to cheat the system, living the life of Riley with so much money and yet these same people might also say that it’s really hard to get benefits and even the worthy are not being granted them and it’s so hard to manage when you have so little from the system...
The mind boggles and yet I know my own is full of these kinds of inconsistencies.

 So when I hear people say that to be ill is selfish I wonder what the flip side to this idea is. 

That people who are ill have suffered so much that they need so much care/ encouragement/help to be able to recover?!
In so many ways I see these opinions about benefits or those with illness or issues as a way of releasing their feelings such as frustration, hurt, anger because as I have listened to others I have heard how their lives are also full of them. To feel someone is getting something for nothing when you would like a break or some extra encouragement because you are feeling low is something that I can understand and so I feel I consider the world differently to many.

The interesting thing for me is that often I hear from those who are suffering about how they want to help, how they don’t want to be a burden and how they run themselves down over their behaviour when they would not others, and I am struck by how easy it is to put my own and those who suffer put their needs aside for others. So many people say they are selfish that to be ill is selfish and yet when I listen to them I hear a very different story. Sadly their desires may not marry with what they do or are able to do but that strong push to help and to not be a burden I feel is hampering so many from really achieving recovery.

This is not to say that everyone who suffers is doing this because in some cases they really are not, however for some and increasingly the people I have met this drive to help others first has and is putting their health and well-being at risk.

I guess it’s not easy to see this when so many people feel really good after they have helped people or when they have been to work. They have achieved something, been worthwhile and it feels great but the question I often ask is...

Is it really that good to push people to do for others when it may create so many problems for them as well?

I don’t know, many people are pushing this idea of contribution and doing good but mostly I just get annoyed with them for not really finding out if it’s appropriate. Maybe it isn’t their job to help others work out what’s best for them but it just grates when I see people pushing those who could quite easily go overboard helping others to their detriment, with what appears to be no regard for the out come.

It may feel good at the time to do it but is it really helping them in the long term?

I guess it’s hard to see the outcomes but all too often people burn out and for me this is the natural conclusion to people not looking after their needs. To burn out in a job seems to be something we all feel is to be tolerated, well they get paid well for it; but is this burn out translating into illness, and suffering and for many in death surely it’s about time everyone started to consider it a problem and do something about it; because the question really is about are we putting too much of our needs aside for something else?

Because if we are then really we are all running the risk of long term illness. So is this helping mentality causing problems?

In so many ways I feel the world would say no, but I disagree. I feel the thing is that we as people get something from going to work, from helping the neighbours, giving to charity, taking the kids out but there are times when these things don’t really fulfill the needs we have as people. They may but often I feel that we don’t really notice when they don't and we keep going because they did and after a while it impacts on us and further down the line it impacts on us a lot. We may be unhappy, or tired, not able to concentrate, physically in pain, angry, irritable and these may all effect those around us. 

So I would suggest taking a little more interest in what we all need and in meeting it because in the long run I feel we will all be better off for it.

So if that means taking a little more time for yourself then I would because overall it may do you the world of good.