Smiling depression! What are they going on about?

Thousands of us are hiding our misery behind a happy mask. Could YOU be a victim of smiling depression?
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2044877/Could-YOU-victim-smiling-depression.html#ixzz1aTSTxQyB

So what is smiling depression? Well according to the urban dictionary

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=smiling%20depression

It is commonly described when you are so depressed inside yet you hide these aching emotions and appear to be happy and chipper to others. Many people may confuse smiling depression with other things or may just classify it as being depressed but in fact it varies largely from being depressed.
In addition to being depressed: feeling numb inside, having a constant feeling of worthlessness, and not knowing what to do in life, when you are dealing with smiling depression people become even more confused from the constant role play of being happy to others. People with smiling depression want to get better but do not know what to do to console others.

A new buzz term for something that has been known for a long time me thinks.

It doesn’t seem possible to me that people could believe that people can and do repress how they feel to the point where no one suspects the abject misery beneath some peoples smiles and jokes but then I’ve done it.

The fact that we all suppress our emotions from time to time is obvious, we all admit to it. As children and adults we are encouraged to do so all the time should it really be surprising with these types of ideas;

The Public face

Stiff upper lip

Be a man

The game face

Who’s my brave little soldier etc.

Suck it up

Stick the happy smiley on and get on with things

That some would take this to an extreme. Unfortunately some of us have far more misery to cover than others.

So why do so many of us cover up far more than is meant by these sayings/ideas? Why is the extreme of smiling depression attained?

Having been there I’d say fear mainly, however I don’t agree that it’s the stigma of mental illness that kept me from speaking nor that it does for a lot of people, however I can understand how it does for some, particularly the older you are when you realise your problems. There can be a lot to loose.

My personal battle was with other fears, fears created by my situation both at home and at large. I feel that the greater problem here is not about stigma about mental health but stigma about talking about your personal feelings.

So often I was told not now, my friends encouraged me to not speak out and control your feelings better and then at work when I was already diagnosed I would get ‘I’m your boss I don’t want nor need to know’ and many a time I was asked to put the happy smiley on when I came in and take it off when I went home. Eventually I couldn’t sustain it and I stopped.

In my experienced so many, many people feel it’s inappropriate to show or express feelings in the larger world so it does not surprise me that so many people have stopped doing so even in their private lives, they have become the happy smiley as they simply do not know what else to do.

The sad fact is that a large proportion of people grow up not having or feeling that they should talk about how they feel and consequently when their coping strategies fail and they need to, they don’t. They cover great pain and cope as best they can often falling foul of their own reticence to speak for many years and it seems to me that this is why we are getting this great upsurge in mental illness.

This is not to say that they aren’t many reasons why people become unwell there are millions but simply that the success rates of talking therapies in their various guises makes me feel that actually it is that we do not talk about how we feel enough to deal with the painful/difficult emotions that can then result in mental illness.

If you consider this article by Thomas Moore

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/thomas-moore/everyone-should-be-in-the_b_693124.html

then we could all benefit from having some therapy; a structured meeting of minds to discuss how you deal with your feelings and gain insight into yourself to improve your live. He concludes

Yes, it can take place in probing conversations among friends and in the quiet whisperings of intimate partners. Teachers and spiritual leaders can practice it and all of us can help each other cope. In a way we are all therapists and we're all patients. But I still think that formal therapy would be good for everyone.

So do consider that actually our own lack of discussion about how we feel is hampering our ability to find answers. I feel that society may well have created people who avoid talking about their feelings at all times and that actually this is the real problem. This is not to say that stigma surrounding mental health does not exist or that it wouldn’t be a problem but that the numbers of people becoming unwell may reduce if we all talked more about how we felt.